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Here is an Ok Cupid message that I recieved:

=====gedbo wrote=====
You're a great looking woman.  So you had me intrigued you said"you have the most unique looking tongue" do you have a picture ?  I have a fetish for long tongues! lol   Mike

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Clearly, some folks don't do their research on the J. Breezy before writing. Yes, I have 19 messages in my inbox, but they mostly read like this.

I am a great looking woman by this guy's standards if my hardcore atheist friend is a saint by the standards of the Catholic Church.

Sometimes, my weird tongue is just my weird tongue, and not an invitation for you to write me about your boring fetishes. (I have decided that people who think Panera sammiches are tasty and exciting are also the type of peple who think that dressing up as a maid and/or a little spanking every now and again counts as really raunchy sex.)

Whew, that Target interview sure was exhausting. I am not sure that I made it apparent the extent to which I'm willing to lower my standards to work in the same city where I reside. Panera pays me $9, and I'll stoop to $8.50. Come on, Target. Bite. Um, pretty pretty please? I'll show you my lack of shame if you show me the cup I get to pee in for a pass drug test that'll seal my "provisional" offer of employment.

Anybody who didn't knwo the economy was in the shithole before they started reporting on it on NPR was clearly more economically secure than myself and my Virginia Ladeez.

Will somebody just pay me for 40 hours of work a week? Did I mention that my credit card got suspended for lack of payment? WHERE IS MY SELF-ACTUALIZED SUGAR MAMMA AND/OR DADDY?

Sometimes my fianncial situation sucks so much that I almost wish I was talking to my parents so that I could borrow some of their cash. I said "almost" and "sometimes," people. Jesus, I'd like to hold onto my sanity, plzkthx.  I spent nine months in my mother's womb, and I've been trying to get as far away as possible ever since.

This is the portion of the program where I throw a temper tantrum.



I feel like a million 2009 Britney Spears crying about the Justin Timberlake she let go back in 2003, only I am 2009 Calamity J crying about that decision to go to acupuncture school in 2004. Whatevs. The metaphor is vague, but the pain is real. Like, real Hollywood real.



There is genocide and global warming, and then there is the pain of Britney Spears and the next 11 months of my financial insecurity, k? CLEARLY, ONE CATEGORY IS MORE MONUMENTAL THAN THE OTHER, PEOPLE!

It sure is a good thing I figured out that I could get that nursing degree in like 15 months.